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2015 – The Worst Year Ever

2015 has been the worst year since… well, since forever.  Even when there was the plague and wars going on in the middle ages, a peasant could look up from the diseased filth a monarch tossed them in and say “Life sucks, but at least we don’t live in 2015.”  Why?

Donald Trump

I know we’re not a political site… but this fucking guy…

donald trump

Adam Sandler

This is difficult because Adam Sandler has, before, shown himself to be a talented actor and comedian.  Why did he stop doing that though?  I thought that one year he did Jack and Jill and That’s My Boy – two of the most critically and popularly hated films – that there was no way he could recover.  People liked Grown Ups and its sequel (God knows why though), but they were pretty unforgiving about his other work.  I didn’t think he could ever recover or find work after that bad year.  But what did 2015 give us?

Pixels – Why?  There were no adults that liked this movie, nobody with any reasonable sense of humanity that thought this was entertaining.  Some kids liked it – but kids are dumb, they’ll like anything.  Even then, kids found it hard to connect to a story about video games from two decades before they were born.  This thing died at the box-office, got nothing but hate from critics and fans.  I met one adult that liked this – I use the past tense of “met” because I chose to opt out of knowing that person.

The Cobbler – A comedy-drama based upon magical realism?  Maybe we would get the Good Sandler back?  A cobbler gets a magic stitching machine that lets him use other people’s shoes to live as them.  Unfortunately, this story is so cloying, is incredibly ham-fisted (a double insult since the film is so based in Judaism), and, like all else of Sandler’s work.  Was hated.

And then, the coup d’grace for Sandler’s 2015 career…

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The Ridiculous Six – First of all, Warner Bros dropped this film last year because of Sandler’s waning popularity.  The project was then picked up as a Netflix original – part of a 4 picture deal between Netflix and Sandler.  Production was met with controversy as Native America actors walked off-set because of how offensive they found the material.  When the film was finally completed and aired on Netflix – it was met with absolutely scathing reviews.  Currently holding a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes, The Ridiculous 6 has been hailed as one of the worst films of 2015 if not one of the worst comedies of all time.  I don’t think this bodes well for the future of this 4 picture agreement between Netflix and Sandler.

Caitlyn Jenner

Mead-Caitlyn-Jenner-855

So there was this.  A person is transgendered – but because they’re a celebrity and not just some nobody trans whose gender issues were never public opinion.  Now that we had a big-time transgendered celebrity, it became a big deal – but ONLY as far as Caitlyn was concerned.  Was there a greater understanding of the issues transgendered people face?  No.  Was there a shift in pop culture to address transgendered people with a greater respect?  No.  Only for Caitlyn Jenner there was though.  If you didn’t support Caitlyn Jenner – the internet would make sure everyone knew what a terrible asshole you were through public shaming and boycotting.  Oh, you could hate any other transgendered person, even kill them regularly – but as long as you didn’t hate Caitlyn Jenner then everything was fine.

Speaking of issues of acceptance…

Kim Davis

The bullshit martyr of 2015.  Fuck this hateful, cruel and awful excuse for a human being.

kim davis

Stonewall

So while there was all this stuff going on – gay marriage becoming legal in spite of the actions of hate-mongers like Kim Davis, in spite of how “heated” discussions of the topic were in the wake of Caitlyn Jenner…. we still had this movie about the 1969 Stonewall riots – a significant event in the history of gay activism.

100% Historically inaccurate

100% Historically inaccurate

As intriguing as a film about the Stonewall riots would be – this was directed by Roland Emmerich.  The same Emmerich that gave us the Godzilla remake, 2012The Day After Tomorrow, and Independence Day.  Say what you want about those films, good or bad (but mostly bad), they in now way show the pedigree of a director that can craft a compelling film about something like the Stonewall riots.   From destruction porn to the history of gay rights movements?  Not at all possible.  So of course the trailer was highlighting the destruction and “action thrill” of a riot and not the political/social issues behind that riot.  But it didn’t stop there…. This was all some pretty white boy’s coming-of-age story – with all his pretty white boy friends and this whole taint of heterosexuality to this story about homosexual activism.  I know I probably sound like an SJW in that regard, but this movie was BLATANT in it’s utter disregard for its source material.  I’ll put it this way.  Imagine that Michael Bay directed a biopic of Martin Luther King Jr, and cast Megan Fox as MLK where the Nobel Peace Prize winner fought against racism with his AK and then Steve Buscemi would make a cameo as Malcom X.  Stonewall was that bad.

Watch Me

This……

[su_youtube url=”https://youtu.be/vjW8wmF5VWc” width=”640″ height=”360″][/su_youtube]

Look, I tried to give this song the benefit of the doubt because my kids like it but I just couldn’t.  At least my daughter, Lily, was able to hear me out and understand some of the negative points I made about this song – not like her blind defense of Party Rock Anthem years earlier.  This horribly written, absolutely uncreative song was EVERYWHERE.  I thought the worst that music could possibly get was Nicki Minaj – but I was wrong.  Did you know that the words “Watch Me” appear in this song 84 times?  84 times!  That is 83 times Any other lyric could be used.  “Bop” is in there 40 times as the song just goes into this annoying part of “Bop Bop Bop Bop Bop Bop Bop.”   This isn’t a hate of the genre or anything like that.  For instance, I hate that whole subgenre of hip hop that’s all rap music about Bitches & Money – but I at least respect that they were creative to write lyrics, do interesting things with the English language, “Watch Me” is horrible.

We get terrible songs every year… but the problem with “Watch Me” is that it’s a dance that entered the mainstream.  This isn’t just some 2015 fad.  You’re going to hear this thing at weddings and bar-mitzvahs for the next 30 years.

Unfulfilling Remakes and Sequels

I’ve debated with people why I didn’t necessarily like Jurassic World – but there still was some fun to be had in it, in a goofy B-movie kind of way.  Haven’t yet met anyone that disagreed with me over the fact that the Poltergeist remake was a piece of shit.  But, FUCK, did you know that people actually liked Terminator: Genisys?!  That movie tops the list of my “Worst Films of 2015.

But I heard this was a pretty good film - so maybe there is still some hope for sequels?

But I heard this was a pretty good film – so maybe there is still some hope for sequels?

Hollywood is always going to back the safe bet – and when it’s not a comic book property it’s a popular remake or sequel.  Of the top films of the year, the vast majority of them were remakes and sequels.  Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 was one of the top films of 2015 – how the fuck did THAT happen?  Maybe I’m just getting old, and bitter but I’m getting tired with defending my hatred of all these remakes and sequels.  If “being with it” is liking that Paul Blart 2 thing, then I will gleefully remain apart from pop culture.

But Avengers: Age of Ultron was pretty fun – so 2015 at least had that going for it.  The Altoid floating in the river of shit as we here at GJ put it.

Violence – Everywhere

At the risk of sounding political I’ll bring this up.

  • Baltimore Riots
  • Nine Dead in Church Shooting in Charleston, SC
  • Ten Dead in Oregon School Shooting
  • Nine Dead in Biker-Gang rampage in Waco, TX
  • Planned Parenthood Shooting in Colorado Springs, CO
  • 14 Dead in San Bernadino Shooting

I don’t want to make a statement or suggest solutions – but that is too much tragedy in one year.  In 1999 we had Columbine and that was that – now we have the equivalent of Columbine several times a year.  Something is wrong – and it’s not being addressed.  Ban all Muslims?  Fuck that.  It’s the people already living in this country, of all races and ethnicities that are killing each other en masse.  Address that, acknowledge that problem first and then we’ll talk.

Back to the Future

hoverboard-back-tothe-future-meme

Hey, I liked Back to the Future.  But as we got into October, the love this franchise was getting everywhere was irritating.  I appreciated Universal’s ways of promoting the 30 year anniversary of this memorable franchise.  But Good Lord, if I had to see one more post whining about how we don’t have hoverboards… Well, I found myself telling far too many posting that shit in my feed to make like a tree and get outta here.

Star Wars

I won’t be watching The Force Awakens until later this evening – but I’ve heard only fantastic things about it.  That’s great!  And the huge focus on any and all things Star Wars hasn’t been irritating – it’s been quite refreshing.  I see some little kid in a Star Wars shirt and I smile.  It’s nice to see that some franchises continue to transcend the one generation that was there for it.  As a society we went from the first film in 1977 and the fact that only the most socially-inept of nerds, living deep in moms’ basements, really got into its culture to 2015 where everyone knows all things Star Wars.  If Boba Fett ran for president in 2016, he’d get the popular vote.

obiwankeno

So why do I say this is a “worst.”  Because did you know there were people – ADULTS – who had not seen Star Wars?  How the hell does that happen?  To grow up and never once experienced Star Wars is like never learning how to read.  The fact that there were people that were only introduced to the original films just over these past two weeks is incredibly depressing.  We’re failing as a society if someone can make it to adulthood and never know the wisdom of Obi-Wan Kenobi.

 

In truth, 2015 was a year like any other.  There were some good things… but that’s another article.

 

About The Author
Matthew Coats
Matthew Coats
Formerly known under the pseudonym of Alex Jowski. Site owner, movie aficionado, and film school grad. Matthew Coats presents reviews, some written, some as vlogs, and some as weekly shows, for a variety of different movies and television shows. After years of struggling to get his own projects off the ground amidst the normal routine of living, Matthew Coats decided to create a site in order to share and promote movie reviews, video games and much much more from talented and original people all across the internet.

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