Tintorera: Killer Shark
Genre: Adventure, Drama
Director: Rene Cardona Jr.
Stars: Susan George, Hugo Stiglitz, Andres Garcia
Galeocerdo cuvier, commonly known as the sea tiger or the tiger shark is one of the largest species of sharks in the ocean, capable of attaining a length of over 5m (19ft). It is considered to be one of the sharks most dangerous to humans, with numbers of recorded attacks on people seconding only the mighty great white shark. They often visit shallow reefs, harbors and canals, thus creating the potential for attacks on humans. Tiger sharks are currently a near endangered species due to finning and fishing by humans.
Though you would learn NONE of that from this movie. What you WILL learn however is just how much partying goes on at those Mexican beach resorts and how, in the 1970s, people just didn’t give a damn who they had sex with. Tinrorera: Killer Shark is not about sharks at all really, it’s about all the women (and men) in Hugo Stiglitz’s bed.
Hugo Stiglitz stars as Steven, a wealthy American man living on his own personal yacht a few feet offshore from a Mexican beach. Every morning he just hops off his boat, swims to shore and hangs out in clubs. He’ll sit on the beach, sipping margaritas and talking to pretty ladies. At night, he’ll take a group of people skinny dipping, swim out to his yacht and have drunken orgies all night long. What does he do for a living? Well, sometimes he’ll hunt a shark or two and when I say sometimes I mean there are probably two, maybe three scenes at the most of actual shark hunting. I still don’t see that as being the right kind of income to fuel Steven’s hedonistic lifestyle. Anyway, the first half hour of the movie gives us two minutes of sharks and twenty-eight minutes of Hugo Stiglitz rolling around in hammocks with naked women.
Eventually, a pathetic and broken story rears its ugly head in defiance. This “story” is more like an excuse to say: “See, this movie isn’t just a porno with sharks! There’s real romance here!” Steven starts to focus a lot of his time on pursuing a British girl named Patricia. Since he can’t admit if he’s in love with her or not, she sleeps with his shark hunting buddy Miguel. Then she’s eaten by a shark (which we don’t even get to see) and never mentioned again. Miguel and Steven become even greater friends and start having sex with every single girl in Mexico. That is, until they meet Gabriella – another young English tourist. They live together as one big happy family having threesomes. They drink, have sex, drink, have more sex, sleep, have more sex and occasionally hunt a shark. Oh, they wander through some Aztec ruins at some point babbling all this nonsense about the true love all three of them share for each other but it’s all so dull. Look at the poster for that movie again. A woman being eaten by a giant tiger shark. Is that in the movie? No, all we have are Hugo Stiglitz and Andres Garcia taking turns banging a British chick.
While hunting sharks, Miguel is eaten by a tiger shark – the Tintorera! Gabriella leaves and Steven declares that he will not rest until he finds vengeance by killing the tiger shark. Of course that doesn’t stop him from hosting MORE ORGIES! This time just a host of naked people floating around Steven’s boat, all of them swimming and having sex. Of course, in a rare moment of actually being a Shark Attack movie, the tiger shark shows up and takes a few bites out of the lovemakers. This leads Steven to his final battle with the tiger shark – a final battle that is the definition of anti-climactic. Steven jumps into the water, sees the shark, shoots it in the head with a harpoon and that’s it.
This movie was terrible. 90% of it is just Steven and Miguel having sex with tourists. It’s romantic plot is all over the place and ill-contrived. The actual moments of action are just so few and far between and, honestly, impossible to watch because it’s mostly stock footage of people REALLY killing sharks. At least I would certainly hope it’s just stock footage because if these people were out there shooting sharks in the head with harpoons (and this happens several times), then that’s just heartless and cruel. Though I wouldn’t put it past Rene Cardona Jr. to slaughter animals for his movies – both him and his father Rene Cardona Sr are notorious for this.
So, never watch this movie. Not even out of some weird curiosity. I mean all the girls are gorgeous and nude but you can get that in a porno without the needless slaughter of innocent predators. Tiger sharks are magnificent beasts, apex predators that have become masters of the sea after billions of years of evolution. Tiger sharks are considered a sacred animal by native Hawaiians because of their highly sensitive perception. But, because of senseless movies like this, over 5,000 tiger sharks have been culled since the 1950s. I don’t really appreciate when a movie that’s not even about sharks tries to paint a shark as its villain – not because of its instinct to hunt but because the filmmakers decided to make the shark an asshole – and proceed to fill their skin flick with unnecessary scenes depicting the real murder of sharks. So… yeah… I hate this movie.