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Movies for the Week of April 18th, 2014

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A Haunted House 2

 

haunted-hause-2Mike White: While I was watching the glut of parody films that came out last year, I happened upon A Haunted House which was even dumber than Scary Movie V. And, because someone demanded it, now Marlon Wayans is back with another lame duck parody film.  It seems that at least 50% of this will be riffing on movies that have been out for less than a year and the other 50% will be jokes about being a black guy in suburbia. And I’ll 100% watch this at home because I hate myself.

Josh Hadley: REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED the truth… I am far too REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED this stuff in general REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED pop culture and REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED  dumb REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED I have never REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED  these movies are REDACTED

Glenn CriddleWell as Scary Movie type crap goes this is at least a little toned down(and I do mean a little) but god does it look self conscious. It’s a bit too ‘mad cap’ for my taste and while I do admit a couple of smiles while watching the trailer frankly  more than a couple of minutes of this would begin to grate very quickly. I’m not going out of my way to watch this and the chance are I’d always have a better option. Overall it seems very run of the mill and probably not worth too much effort to see.

Alex Jowski: My GOD!  This looks bad.  I really have no words other than “this looks bad.”  Not even like fun-bad… just unentertaining and generally limp.  I’m sure others this week will have more verbose ways to express similar sentiments about this movie and I’ll leave that to them.

Martha Page: This is TOTALLY a Martha movie.  I’ve not been this motivated to see a Marlon Wayans movie since Scary Movie.  There is even an epic chicken fight.  I’m totally watching this!!!

Jillian Zuawski: Man, I thought they’d at least TRY to make these look more like the game. Why are video game movies always full of suck?!

haunted house atari

Charles Campbell: Seriously, they made a sequel to A Haunted House? This looks absolutely horrible. I hated the first one with a passion, as I do most movies in this whole field that Scary Movie spawned. Won’t it just die out already? Whoops, forgot this is Hollywood we are talking about.

Justin Widerski: Well… I wish I had a better way to articulate myself other then “That looks like SHIT,” but I think that phrase sums it up nicely. I’m not a fan of most modern mainstream comedies, since a good chunk of them are shit, but the parody sub-genre in particular irks me. I’m fine with racial humor, but 70% of the “jokes” in this trailer are racial and predictable at that. Speaking of predictable jokes, the safe gag makes no fucking sense and I guarantee it won’t make sense in the movie either. They’re not even using the found-footage premise properly, they’re just half-assing it. The only time they seem to acknowledge it is when Marlon Waynes needs to mug at the camera, letting you know “Why yes that was a joke.” As for the overly-long chicken fight, if I wanted pissed-off poultry in my movie I’d just watch Thankskilling. I’m going to make an effort to never see this movie, which won’t be hard since it’ll be forgotten five minutes after the DVD comes out.

mister X:

hh1

 

hh2

 

hh3

 

hh4

About The Author
Matthew Coats
Matthew Coats
Formerly known under the pseudonym of Alex Jowski. Site owner, movie aficionado, and film school grad. Matthew Coats presents reviews, some written, some as vlogs, and some as weekly shows, for a variety of different movies and television shows. After years of struggling to get his own projects off the ground amidst the normal routine of living, Matthew Coats decided to create a site in order to share and promote movie reviews, video games and much much more from talented and original people all across the internet.
19 Comments
  • jwiderski
    April 18, 2014 at 3:14 pm

    I can’t tell if Josh redacted himself for the sake of saving Jowski the trouble or if it was just so disturbing Jowski couldn’t let it go

  • Adam
    April 18, 2014 at 4:12 pm

    Fine jillian here cowboy bebop .hack futurama

    • Mistress J
      April 18, 2014 at 4:48 pm

      ok then! Now… well even though you didn’t specify WHICH .hack// -i’ll still give you full credit on that, so your total is +12,000 minion points! I’ll waive your initial infraction we discussed earlier elsewhere… BUT for not referring to your Mistress formally & properly, i must deduct -10,000 MINION points… bringing your grand total to an award of +2000 minion points. ;) #SoSayethTheMistress

  • Charley McMullen
    Charley McMullen
    April 18, 2014 at 5:50 pm

    I say whoever misses the Trailer Park deadline has to post it here in the comments. That’s a thing now. Anyway…

    TRANSCENDENCE —

    I don’t know about this one. The anti-technology terrorist group is a nice twist and, I could be wrong, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen this kind of story tackled this particular way before. I like Johnny Depp, and this one seems a lot like The Astronaut’s Wife, which plenty of people hated, but not me. If anything, I’ll see this just to understand what the fuck it’s about.

    Also, where are the other trailers?

    • Hipster Jillian Says:
      April 18, 2014 at 7:05 pm

      “I was posting my missed reviews in the comments befoooore Charley said it was cool!” ;)

  • Charley McMullen
    Charley McMullen
    April 18, 2014 at 6:01 pm

    Here it is. Kinda wish I hadn’t found it now. Anyway…

    A HAUNTED HOUSE 2 —

    It has not been long enough since the first A Haunted House for an unwanted and unnecessary sequel, so my opinion of lowest common denominator bullshit movies going after the easiest laughs with as little effort as possible hasn’t really changed in the past few months. The additions of Daniel Tosh and Gabriel Iglesias don’t help, as they are right up there with Jeff Dunham and Larry the Cable Guy in terms of hack, pandering comedians who owe their success to the ever-increasing segment of the population who appreciate stupid jokes because they can be easily understood by stupid people. Not understanding a Kardashian reference should be worn like a badge of honor.

  • Charley McMullen
    Charley McMullen
    April 18, 2014 at 6:08 pm

    BEARS —

    It’s a documentary, which is hard to fuck up, but it’s a DISNEY documentary, so the animals are humanized to the point of being obnoxious because Disney thinks that’s the only way the audience will give a shit. And, considering all the mouth-breathers out there who are going to see A Haunted House 2, they’re probably right.

    I don’t know how much money went to the marketing guy who titled the movie, but it was too much.

  • Charley McMullen
    Charley McMullen
    April 18, 2014 at 6:20 pm

    HEAVEN IS FOR REAL —

    I stopped taking this seriously when it was said that it’s based on a true story. It’s based on a kid who told a story that may be true, or may be bullshit. The truth of stories is based on proof, and this movie doesn’t have any. I envy all the Christians out there who are able to take comfort in this and illicit some kind of ease regarding humanity’s place in the universe. I’m not really a believer in any of this, though. It’s going to take more than a Greg Kinnear movie to make me stop supporting the separation of Church and Cinema.

  • Adam
    April 18, 2014 at 8:43 pm

    its tough to say we all hope for an angry jake type or a “fuck you” dave so im guessing for HH2 that you will eather be drop jawed at how bad it is or completely numb from the pain of bad cinema as with transcendence i think it will just be ok not good not bad just middle of the road

  • Bud
    Bud
    April 18, 2014 at 9:26 pm

    I can’t get two of the pictures, but those are probably the tougher ones. I see Futurama, .hack(not sure the name of it, but it does have the character from the first game) and Cowboy Bebop, episode Brain Scratch.

    And as far as your reaction for HH2…I’ll say negative.

  • April 19, 2014 at 12:50 pm

    just so y’all know…if i had been drinkin’ when i saw Alex’s piece on HEAVEN, dat muthafukka woulda owed me a new laptop

  • Mistress J
    April 19, 2014 at 2:49 pm

    HA! I just noticed: The cropped movie pic of “Heaven Is For Real” used for the title card looks like the shot from Close Encounters of the Third Kind —

  • April 20, 2014 at 10:22 am

    i know all of the images in Mistress J’s infographic…but i’m not telling

  • Cody Rivera
    April 21, 2014 at 8:37 pm

    I really want to punch Marlon wayans in the face just from this trailer, and is there a way to just strip the entertainer part out of Cedric’s name?

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