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Movies for the Week of April 4th, 2013

Nymphomaniac Volume II
Afflicted
Alan Partridge
Rio 2

Nymphomaniac Volume II

nympho2Mike White: How can I talk about Nymphomaniac II when I haven’t seen Nymphomaniac I?  I was completely lost watching this trailer.  Why is Shia LeBeouf talking with a shitty British accent?  Why is that skinny girl getting tied up?  What the fuck is that guy talking about his special tree for?  Can I say pretentious and mean it? Yes.

Cecil Trachenberg: Pretty much how I felt about part 1. Lovely pictures that and a story that will move at a snails pace. Plus, tons of nudity and hopefully not Shia’s Labeef.

Alex JowskiSo there’s dialogue in this trailer of sorts and I made the mistake of thinking: “Hey, maybe this trailer will give me a better idea of what this movie is about other than fucking.” And then Christian Slater says: “This is my tree.  This is my soul tree.”  And I turned it off.

Glenn Criddle: I’m kinda wanting to see this. Von Trier is as always being provocative and it’s a fascinating cast to say the least and I know LaBeouf gets a lot of stick, some justified, some not so much but I am actually interested in seeing him in better roles under decent directors. This looks like it could be an interesting story about an interesting subject and yeah theres Von Triers use of unsimulated sexual activity which frankly for me is fine, I suspect the sex here will be not as titilating as some may wish. I will get around to this sometime, I’m just not sure about seeing it at the cinema but yeah, I’ll check it out, it could be rather good.

Josh Hadley: I can admit when I am wrong… it turns out I jumped the gun when I called Nymphomaniac Vol I the very definition of Pretentious (even giving the dictionary definition to hammer the point home)… I shot my load too early, I had not seen this trailer yet, it happens to some guys now and then… I will eat some oysters and I will be fine… now this, THIS is pretentious though… in fact I think from now on I will not even use the term pretentious, I will just say “Nymphomaniac Volume II” and that will cover it from both a film perspective and from a Websters perspective.

Jillian Zurawski: If your soul tree gets peed on in the woods, do you feel it? Oh, and… WILLEM DAFOE! *SQUEE!!!*

DAFOE copy

mister X: are lars von trier n’ michael haneke the same person? cuz i get a  similar ‘troll the viewer as ART!’ vibe from them both. just like the  trailer for part 1, this again feels like something i will watch under  a microscope as i dissect it n’ NOT a film-going experience…and,  hmmm-can’t imagine i’ll have a problem with THIS scene:

nymphothugz

Afflicted

afflictMike White: I remember Paranormal Activities: The Marked Ones and Chronicle.  This seems to be a combination of both.

Cecil Trachenberg: Found footage when done well can make for some great flicks for a relatively smaller budget. I like this a lot, I’m all in. I hope this gets a decent release and not some limited bullshit.

Alex Jowski: I’m not very confident about this movie.  It’s found footage and it’s far too rare to find a truly enjoyable found footage movie.  Also the story is Chronicle.  It’s Chronicle in a different location.  Only the difference is that in Chronicle the protagonists got their magic powers from a glowing rock in a cave.  In this movie a guy sleeps with a girl and suddenly has powers.  So it’s still getting powers from a cave only in this case a much more fleshy and confining one.  Or maybe not that confining at all actually – I don’t know this girl.  This is why I’m gay.  Well, not the only reason – more of a minor contributing factor.  My one-night-stands don’t end up as the impetus of a shitty found footage movie.

Glenn Criddle: I’m sort of hot and cold on this. The story looks kinda fun and there looks like some decent action but it’s yet another found footage film and I’m pretty much fed up of them. It’s long gone from being an effective device for manipulating the audience into accepting the on screen madness to being a cliche. We’ve seen so much of the cinematic device of handheld cameras that it’s no longer convincing, it just feels, well passe. The format should be put to bed for a long time and only used where it is necessary, not as a cheap way of trying to sucker in an audience who are now so over exposed to the genre that it can’t function in the way it should.

Josh Hadley: Okay if “Nymphomaniac Volume II” is now the definition substituting for pretentious… then “Afflicted” will be the new landmark for idiotic and uninspired. Found footage… oooo how original… zombies… how original… Eli Roth characters going to party and travel… how original… fuck you movie.

Jillian Zurawski: Not a huge fan of found footage movies, mostly due to the mass amounts of shaky cam. With each growing year, it seems movies get more and more shaky. But anywho – This kinda looks like if “John Dies at the End” had a baby with the video game “Prototype”. I might be more inclined to give it a try if not for just how shake the shaky cam is… It’s not just that I don’t like it (I mean yea, excessive shaky cam IS annoying in its own right), but it just has this physical effect that kinda messes with me, which may be worsened at how quickly each cut went by. I don’t think I could sit through a whole movie of that.

mister X: i see glimmers of an intriguing story in there…but i just can never  accept the found-footage gimmick…too many variables stick in my head  as a vidmaker when i watch them that i can never get ‘lost’ in them…

Alan Partridge

alan-partridgeMike White: Steve Coogan stars in a remake of Airheads.

Cecil Trachenberg: Colm Meaney is a british black comedy? Sold.

Alex Jowski: So is radio still kind of a big thing in the UK – especially a “mid-morning” show?  In the USA nobody really does the whole “listen to the radio” thing.  There is the occasional wacky morning DJ that will snag some notoriety but nobody cares about that guy’s following act.  I’ve never heard anyone say “Hey, that guy on the radio just before lunch-time is pretty cool.”  Airheads made sense for it’s time – the 90s – because we didn’t have everything on the internet, we didn’t have fit-to-consume and void of identity satellite radio, we didn’t even have iPods back in those dark days.  We listened to the radio because that was the ONLY way you were going to listen to the latest music and, hopefully, have a cassette in the player and an eager finger on the record button.   This is 2014 – if a radio station were taken over by terrorists, even a cool disgruntled worker like Colm Meany, it wouldn’t be a gripping “Oh My God” kind of public reaction.   As such, I’m having trouble following the movie a bit.  There are some good jokes throughout – but then some that kind of flop like Steve Coogan’s hand coming out of a toilet because that’s impossible.

Glenn Criddle: Meh, this has been out for quite a while over her but I’m just not an Alan Partridge fan (or Steve Coogan for that matter). It looks mildly amusing and may appeal to many but for me, well I’m just not that stoked to go see this. Thats a pass for me I’m afraid but if you’re a fan of Coogan and his uncomfortable characters then you may just like like this.

Josh Hadley: I will just leave this here… you can draw your own conclusions.

Jillian Zurawski: Hmm, I’m not exactly sure what this is, but I don’t get that “This looks stupid, I would never watch it” type of feeling. Definitely looks different and interesting. Watching this reminds me of when I saw the trailers for “Thank You For Smoking” – I thought it looked so weird I never thought to give it the time of day. Waaaay later down the line, I ended up watching it & loved it. So, I try to keep more of an open mind when I see a trailer for a movie that invokes the same type of feeling – I like kinda weirdly offbeat, slightly obtuse comedies, and this actually looks like it COULD be a good movie… or it could be very boring.

mister X: i know nothing bout this film but i can smell a ‘tv character gets a  movie’ from a mile away…but it’s got colm meany n’ dat’s my dawg!

Rio 2

Rio_2_Poster_ft_JewelMike White: How can I talk about Rio 2 when I haven’t seen Rio 1?  I was completely lost watching this trailer.  Are these the same birds from Angry Birds?  Are they angry? How does that yellow bird split into multiple birds?

Cecil Trachenberg: beautiful animation for a story I could not give less of a shit about. I guess they were running out of Madagascar sequels so they had to switch to something. I’m sure we’ll have another Rango next week.

Alex JowskiRio wasn’t bad but it certainly didn’t leave itself open to sequels.  And they gave the main characters kids so they just turned Rio 2 into Shrek 3 which is not a good thing.  Oh, and then characters were singing that goddamned Memory song from Cats so FUCK THAT.

Glenn Criddle: I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. I generally do not like animation. Actually I don’t like this kind of disney-esque kind of animation, it bores me and it all sort of looks the same to me. We have yet another ‘world tour’ sequel where they take the same characters and transplant them somewhere…else….(Yawn). Goofy characters, predictable jokes and performances that just feel phoned in and lacking in originality and maybe this is just my personal tastes talking here but I just can’t get excited about it…. It’s all feeling very done. I may sound a bit snobby here and I don’t intend to, but give me Bellville Rendezvous over this any day. That was a fantastic animation.

Josh Hadley: sgne erit ewt 666 etjer
sgje etejter   etje[t384sajps   kjgsd

Jillian Zurawski: I never saw the 1st Rio, so not sure if i can follow the pivotal plot points… ;)  Now, I don’t know how the first movie fared, but this doesn’t look bad or anything. It seems like a genuine “for the family” fun type of movie, without relying on the “pandering cliches” many other kids movies today tend to do. The fact that it’s made from the same people who did Ice Age gives me no cause for concern that this would end up being another “Free Birds”.  *shutter*

mister X: i give less fucks bout this movie than david gest gave liza minelli  when they were married…

Next Week
Draft Day
Oculus
Only Lovers Left Alive
The Railway Man

About The Author
Matthew Coats
Matthew Coats

Formerly known under the pseudonym of Alex Jowski.
Site owner, movie aficionado, and film school grad. Matthew Coats presents reviews, some written, some as vlogs, and some as weekly shows, for a variety of different movies and television shows. After years of struggling to get his own projects off the ground amidst the normal routine of living, Matthew Coats decided to create a site in order to share and promote movie reviews, video games and much much more from talented and original people all across the internet.

8 Comments
  • demonknight
    April 6, 2014 at 11:21 am

    “My one-night-stands don’t end up as the impetus of a shitty found footage movie.”

    Somebody needs to make a found footage movie about Jowski being stalked by a homeless girl years after their one night stand.

  • David
    April 6, 2014 at 12:26 pm

    Alex, Radio is still a fairly popular medium over here. I worked in a factory for 6 years and most departments had either local or national radio on all day, every day. There are some notably popular radio hosts too, Chris Moyles being an example who until recently had a popular morning show on BBC Radio One (although his popularity baffles me; he’s always come across as an obnoxious, thoroughly dislikeable moron).

    That said, Alan Partridge (at least judging by the show; I’ve yet to see the movie) isn’t meant to be popular or in anyway socially relevant. He’s a classic tragically deluded comic figure, a big part of the joke being that he he’s an irrelevant has-been with an unpopular radio show for a small local station yet has an inflated sense of self-importance and an over estimation of the celebrity afforded him by his very humble career.

    I think the show is hilarious, but the humour is often of the awkward variety and probably an acquired taste.

    • April 9, 2014 at 11:22 am

      Well, now I know that radio is still popular in the UK. Thank you.

      Did not know that Alan Partridge was based upon a show and that the character was the deluded butt of the joke. That makes a lot of sense now with the trailer.

  • Richard
    April 7, 2014 at 2:58 am

    > are lars von trier n’ michael haneke the same person? cuz i get a similar ‘troll the viewer as ART!’ vibe from them both
    To be fair, Heneke’s only film(s) like that is Funny Games.

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