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Movies for the Week of February 21st, 2014

Non-Stop
Son of God
The Bag Man
Odd Thomas

Non-Stop


Non-Stop-2014-Movie-PosterCharley McMullen I paraphrase George Carlin when I muse that ALL flights are non-stop!  I insist that my flights stop.  Preferably in an AIRPORT!  Shitty title aside, this is drawing immediate and obvious parallels with Flightplan, which is not worth mentioning.  Now or ever.  Suffice it to say that There are only a handful of ways one can make this interesting, and this trailer looked like it had NONE of them.  I like LN as much as the next guy, but there are limits.

Mike White: I thought that this movie would be called “Turbulence” but then remembered there was another film with that name. Then I thought about all of the other plane movies there are and was surprised Julianne Moore didn’t disappear midway through the trailer only to have Liam Neeson saying, “Where is my wife? She was right here!”

Instead, it’s a terrorist on a plane movie. “I’m tired of these motherfucking terrorists on this motherfucking plane.”  What’s worse, Liam Neeson isn’t very bright. The terrorist tells Neeson that he’ll kill one passenger every twenty minutes.  Julianne Moore has told us that the flight is 6 hours long. Now, forgive my story problem but that means that only 18 people are going to die before the end of the flight.  Unless all of those 18 include the flight crew, I’m kind of nonplussed.  If they take out the flight attendants, though, I’m going to be pissed.  Where’s my goddamn bourbon?

Josh Hadley: Taken on a plane. Seriously, this is Taken on a plane. I bet it even has a scene of Neeson saying into the phone “I will find you”. Also, I like Julianne Moore but come on, she is CLEARLY the villain in this. This movie is more telegraphed than a Zemeckis trailer.

Alex Jowski: I know people are going to say that it’s Taken on a plane and it is indeed quite similar to Taken just on a plane – but this is Liam Neeson at some of his Liam Neesoniest.  Maybe the director of that piss-poor House of Wax remake has some juice in him after all (Orphan wasn’t half-bad) so this could be a good movie.  Julian Moore is the bad guy though.  That’s pretty obvious.

Martha Page: I don’t need to see this movie because I already know how it ends.  The trailer spends all this time building up suspense of “is this man going to save the airplane” but then it shows the plane with a hole ripped in it and people getting sucked out into the sky.  Guess this air marshall kinda sucked at his job if the plane crashed.

Cecil Trachenberg: Look, ever since Taken I am loving the new, more actiony Liam Neeson. I’m all in for this one.

mister X: have to admit, i considered this a well-put together trailer-taut,  suspenseful, didn’t give too much away…just wonder if a full-length  running time can sustain that or tailspin ~ba-dum BUM!~

Son of God

Son_Of_God_poster_smallCharley McMullen Jesus Christ!  How preachy is this thing?!  Laugh it up, Christians.  At least Battlefield Earth knew it was fiction.  This is going to be just like that snuff film Mel Gibson did a few years ago;  People will flock to this movie because the people who will see this in the theatre are flock-like in nature.  That sounds like science.  It really, really isn’t.

Mike White: Some people might take the easy way out and just call this movie Jesus.  Or Sheb. Not too many people remember Sheb Christ.  He was kind of a slacker.  He’s the guy that had four disciples and preached a gospel of “be cool, man.”

Instead, this is kind of a hip Jesus with really clean hair and good teeth. I dunno, I have a feeling that I know how this movie ends. And, again, there is not nearly enough kung fu in this film to make me happy.

Josh Hadley: A 10 hour TV mini-series edited down into 2 hours? Even if I gave a fuck about another “biopic” for a fictional character, why would I pay to see an edited version of what I could have watched for free? Son of nod(ing off) is more like it.

Alex Jowski: So this starts like a rather neat gay porn.  You’ve got lonely fisherman out on the water, hasn’t had a piece of action in ages.  All those lonely nights, he could really use some love.  Then this young, hot fisherman arrives and helps him out.  They catch some fish and it’s a real good moment of male bonding.  Young hot, stranger fisherman gives his new friend a loving rub on the shoulder:

Strange Fisherman: “Come with me”
Lonely Fisherman: “What are we going to do”?

And then just when you think there’s gonna be a fun response BOOM it’s a Jesus movie.  Aw hell.  I thought Passion of the Christ was the end all Jesus flick.  Guess I was wrong about that.  Gonna go take a cold shower.

Martha Page: I don’t collect Bibles just for the hell of it.  I collect Bibles so I can point out everything these Bible movies get wrong. Which is why I’ll see this movie, just to see how grossly inaccurate it is.  Right off the bat – these people are a good foot to foot and half taller than the Bible people who were all basically hobbits.  Brown colored hobbits I might add – not at all like this 6 foot tall WHITE Jesus.

Cecil Trachenberg: A big budget movie about Jesus…hold on a second…ok, I just had to check. Yep, it is the year 2014. For lack of a better expression, good lord, I wasn’t expecting this. It looks well done but will anyone really head to the theater for this? For religious movies, I’m looking more forward to the Left Behind adaptation with Nic Cage.

mister X: yea…moving on (we got enuff drama on this site without me adding to it)

The Bag Man

The Bag Man character (2)Charley McMullen:  Movies like this are among the guiltiest of pleasures for me and, goddamn, John Cusack seems to be in a lot of these.  Identity, The Ice Harvest, Grosse Pointe Blank, etc., Cusack is really good at what he does, and that is to make movies with the perfect ratio of intelligence to laziness.  It’s like bacon on a sundae; If I watched John Cusack movies every day, I’d be dead in a fucking month.  Every now an then is okay, though.

Mike White: DeNiro and Cusack — have there been two more actors who have really wasted their potential in a string of generic films for the last two decades?  Maybe if we added Val Kilmer to the mix… This movie feels like something a college kid wrote and managed to get produced.  That could be either really good or really bad.  I have a feeling that I’m going to see this, turn it off after 20 minutes, and watch Red Rock West instead.

Josh Hadley: Intriguing premise, good cast and nice direction… I am sure they will find some way to fuck it up.

Alex Jowski: Nice and stylish but ultimately it feels pretty cliched.  I’m reminded of so many good movies that this clearly wants to be.  It will probably be a good movie, I DO want to watch it.  But I’m afraid I’ll be let down by it and go “oh, not as original as I thought it was.”

Martha Page: Wait, John Cusack as a hit man and he’s not going to some sort of high school reunion?  PASS.  I want the funny John Cusack as a hit man movie.

Cecil Trachenberg: Interesting. It looks to be a decent crime drama. Although, about the trailer. Whoever cut this must have been an intern. The audio clip cuts were horrible! You could constantly hear word fragments and sentences being recombined. Terribly done for such a large production.

mister X: remember when a new deniro movie was an event?
me neither…its been DECADES!
this feels…off for some reason-i can’t quite figure out what kind of movie it’s trying to be and the only thing that really stuck out to me
is that the actor playing the pimp STILL uses his rap name STICKY FINGAZ

man, u like 40 now…wouldn’t catch ME using a nickname in my  professional work!

Odd Thomas

odd_thomas_ver4_xlgCharley McMullen Goddamnit.  This really, really looks like a dumbed-down tip off of the brilliant John Dies at the End, and that pisses me off.  Every time a good story shows up, there’s blood in the water, and the scavenging suckfish start mooching off it’s teat!  Lousy fucking rat bastard Dean Koontz.  Dick!!

Mike White: I don’t know what happened with this film but I saw it on video about six months ago. I watched it because I read the first couple of Odd Thomas books before they just got incredibly repetitive and Dean Koontz’s narration to be trite and annoying.

The first book was pretty quick and entertaining. The movie adaptation wasn’t too bad. But, really, it was just “meh”.  It’s like Stephen King-lite. I was very surprised to see Willem DaFoe show up in the film in the Tom Skeritt role. The most interesting characters from the book are given either a tiny amount of screen time or turned into a cardboard standee (no foolin’).

But, seriously, how did I see this last summer and it’s just coming out officially now?

Josh Hadley: Since when the hell has Stephen Sommers been an “acclaimed director”? Since Van Helsing? Maybe those G.I. NO movies? Oh, for The Mummy… that movie that was better than it should have been but was acclaimed by NO ONE. Sure, why not? Also, based on a Dean Koontz novel… not a good sign, say what you will about his work, there has nary been a good adaptation of said work.

Alex Jowski: I like the work of Dean Koontz.  Not as much as I used to, but I still enjoy a novel of his from time to time.  Not at all familiar with his Odd Thomas series of novels though.  If the movie is anything like those books I’d definitely check them out.  It is good to see Anton Yelchin in a big starring role.  The guy’s got some talent and this looks like a great way to express himself.  The drawback, however, is that there has never been a decent film adaptation of any Koontz novel.  The best film of a Dean Koontz novel I can think of offhand is Phantoms and that movie’s got quite a bad reputation.

Martha Page: I was sold when I saw that this was from Dean Koontz.  I don’t care if it’s that Russkie from Star Trek chasing things that look like jizz demons.  I’m gonna watch it.

Cecil Trachenberg: I really want to see this. I’m sad though that finally a decent budgeted Dean Koontz movie gets the VOD treatment. His stuff is great and yet he always gets screwed.

mister X: never read koontz but i gotta give the trailer credit-when things got  wacky it kinda caught my interest a bit…despite it being written for  the screen and directed by the man who brought us VAN HELSING. call me  cautiously intrigued…

Next Week
The Grand Budapest Hotel
300: Rise of an Empire
Mr. Peabody & Sherman
Journey to the West

Leave your thoughts on this week’s films in the comments below.

About The Author
Matthew Coats
Matthew Coats

Formerly known under the pseudonym of Alex Jowski.
Site owner, movie aficionado, and film school grad. Matthew Coats presents reviews, some written, some as vlogs, and some as weekly shows, for a variety of different movies and television shows. After years of struggling to get his own projects off the ground amidst the normal routine of living, Matthew Coats decided to create a site in order to share and promote movie reviews, video games and much much more from talented and original people all across the internet.

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