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Movies for the Week of February 28th, 2014

The Grand Budapest Hotel
300: Rise of an Empire
Mr. Peabody & Sherman
Journey to the West

The Grand Budapest Hotel

grand budapestMike White: Fuck me sideways, I can’t fucking stand Wes Fucking Anderson. These twee comedies all look nice, have great actors, but absolutely no soul to them. I’d rather eat a shit sandwich than try to sit through another one of these turds.

Josh Hadley: Why the fuck does Wes Anderson get to keep making movies? He has no ability to make them not suck and yet morons continue to flock to them as if the perfume of some unseen sensor was drawing them in when in fact it is more like a succubus that is flashing her cooze rot to entice various bouts of debauchery. His films are neither whimsical nor are they charming nor even endearing, they are chores to weather and tortures to suffer through. This piece of pseudo-intellectual trash is no exception and is nothing more than a vain attempt to bilk and defraud the soulless masses he has bamboozled into believing he is not typhoid mary but instead some form of wile that must be tasted. Shock at this pompous fraud is all I shall muster.

Martha Page: This looks like that The Royal Tennenbaums piece of crap. That’s cancelled out by the fact that it seems like a pretty fun movie.  I want to see it but then it has that gay Green Goblin in it but that’s then cancelled out by Edward Norton who makes everything great.  So I’m going to see this movie and enjoy it.

Alex Jowski: It’s Wes Anderson so it’s either going to be embraced or hated completely by people.  There’s not a lot of middle ground there.  The guy has potential as a filmmaker and certainly makes unique looking films – hell, his movies have such a beautiful look to them – but he’s no goddamn storyteller.  His characters are terrible, they all have that hip and super-mensa dialogue.  Hell, even children in a Wes Anderson movie sound like they walked out of  a Diablo Cody script.  I’ll admit I liked portions of Rushmore and I found The Royal Tennbaums to be a very solid piece of filmmaking.  The Grand Budapest Hotel doesn’t look like it aspires to be anything more than a quirky Wes Anderson thing which I’ll watch some time and then go “meh.”  Great cast though!

Charley McMullen:  I am such a predictably white motherfucker sometimes.  Without even having heard the words Grand Budapest Hotel, I knew this was a Wes Anderson film about 5 seconds in, and the rest of the trailer was spent giggling girlishly at my love for this guy’s movies.  I really, really dig Wes Anderson.  I don’t know if it’s the writing, the deadpan delivery most of his stuff is known for, the Kurasawa-level attention to detail in set design, or what.  Ever since Bottle Rocket, I just really like the way he puts a story together.  Of all the white stereotypes, I live into that one the most.  This won’t be perfect, nor do I expect it to be after the creepiness of Moonrise Kindgom leaves me uneasy to this day.  But, even that had all the hallmarks of a Wes Anderson film I enjoy.  Plus, Bill Murray, with THAT MOUSTACHE?!  Are you fucking kidding me?!?  Wes Anderson may be treading water, but the water is fine.

mister X: anderson is anderson-ya never know what u gonna get with one of his  flicks but u KNOW u gonna get a ‘wes anderson flick’. his twee ways  don’t always appeal to me but he’s a singular voice in a world of  carbon copies so i have to give him dap for that-as for this flick:  seems kinda fun

300: Rise of an Empire

300-rise-of-an-empire-poster1Mike White: Eva Green looking hawt and then there’s a lot of shirtless dudes running around. Sounds like the perfect fodder for something my wife and I will see on a Saturday afternoon. I have to say that Warner Brothers isn’t doing themselves any favors by reminding us that Zach Snyder was behind Man of Steel. They’d be better off saying, “From the director of Sucker Punch”.

Josh Hadley: The first 300 movie was glaringly lacking in anything resembling a story and this looks to unseat that dismal achievement in spades. Why strive for realism or even quality when camera tricks, CGasms and spectacle will endorphinize the mindless flock to the point they see nothing besides grandeur worthy of their ten dollars and to evoke Black Sabbath is the ultimate sacrilege; War Pigs is a song about how pointless war is and how those who push it are pigs wallowing in their own crapulance… and this is used as a RALLYING CRY for a movie that is not only endorsing of war but of placating those who wish war to be epic and grand. The point is over there… you missed it.

Martha Page: Oh look, it’s that bitch that plays Cersei Lannister on Game of Thrones.  I fucking hate Cersei so why would I watch this?

Alex Jowski: There’s a lot of eye candy going on here – a whole helluva lot.  300 had the benefit of being based upon a rather great Frank Miller graphic novel and had a then unique kind of direction nobody had seen before.  It was a style that everyone copied and did do death – none more so than that one-time innovator Zac Snyder who’s generally failed in every attempt to recapture what made 300 so special.  300: Rise of an Empire is the most generic thing I’ve ever seen.  It’s the same visual style of 300 which is a pretty tired style by this point.  300 at least had the benefit of some source material while this prequel/sequel has not a damn thing resembling a narrative – it’s just beefcake and CGI without any substance.  I’ll watch it sometime, I’m sure, but I sure as hell won’t enjoy a damn second of it.  Okay, I’ll enjoy the beefcake.

Charley McMullen:  I tried to take this with a big grain of salt, really I did, but I just do not like these movies, man.  The first 300 may have been the first -or at least most notable- movie in this rotten little sub-genre, but Sweet Fucking Christ, did this lazy-assed trailer instantly remind me of Wrath of the Titans, which ALSO played a modern hard rock song in it’s trailer over a slow motion battle scene.  COME ON!!  Then another shot reminded me of Hercules, then another shot reminded me of that one from a few years back, with more gold fucking body paint than ANY movie needs!  These pieces of shit are so interchangeable it’s fucking ridiculous.  They are all thinly-stretched, dumbed-down mythology being used as window dressing for A WHOLE LOT of homoerotic, slow motion battle scenes that just scream “GREEN SCREEN!!!”.  In fact, that’s probably how Wes Anderson films look to people that aren’t into that.  Fuck it.  I’m never going to see this, but don’t let that stop you from seeing in the theatre 12 times, until you’re ready to deal with these feeling of yours.  Have fun, kids!

mister X: as i said in my SUCKER PUNCH analysis: i consider the 1st film the  GAYEST MACHO MAN MOVIE EVER…and that opinion has not changed. this  looks like more of the same, only with a beard-not interested

Mr. Peabody & Sherman

mr_peabody_and_sherman_ver11_xlgMike White: Not sure why Sherman gets a mention in the title of this movie as Mr. Peabody is the only thing that matters. I’m reminded a lot of an animated canine version of Dr. Who as I watch this. Oh, and Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure.  I’ll see it on DVD because Patrick Warburton is doing a voice in it.

Josh Hadley: Well, if you can say anything about this obvious cash grab it is that they are simply AS BAD as the other movies in this “franchise” and not worse, if that is some sort of high water mark to hit. Loaded with “modern” references which will age as well as Kathleen Turner has this seems to be gag based and not story or character based.

20th Annual Power Lunch For Women To Benefit Citymeals On Wheels

 

The story (such as it is) is one of claptrap indicative of that which small minds feel is stimulating but in reality is so pedestrian that it would be issued a jaywaylking ticket had it a persona. The animation is overly stylized to the point of obfuscation and the voice work seems to be lazy and snide. Screw this movie.

Martha Page: It’s got The Tick – the guy that played The Tick in the tv show!  I LOVE that guy!  I’m watching this movie only for him.

Alex Jowski: Shouldn’t it really be Mr. Peabody & Sherman & Some Girl because if the title is supposed to fit the story…. I enjoyed the old cartoon of Peabody & Sherman from the 60s and this movie catches enough of the spirit of its source material. Patrick Warburton is also a huge plus.  Dreamworks is certainly no Pixar when it comes to the world of CG Animated features, but they’re not bad – one thing for certain, Mr. Peabody & Sherman won’t suck.  It won’t be the greatest movie ever but it’s bound to be entertaining.  I’ll admit it did rile the cynic in me when the film opens with that terrible, terrible pun of “he graduated valeDOGtorian,” and I really really hope the rest of the movie is NOT in the style of that shit joke.

Charley McMullen:  Rehash of a late 1960s cartoon, tarted up with all sorts of hip, current references (Fist bump!  Planking!), throw in as many fart jokes as your soul will allow, and see if you can make the budget back in the first two weeks, because that is all the time the average person can devote to remembering this movie.  The word “Valedogtorian” was used in the first 5 seconds, so that’s about when I checked out.  I am glad Patrick Warburton still gets feature-length voice-over work, though.  I have nothing against that guy.

mister X: i dunno-seems to be missing the satirical bite of the original but  looks like it’s TRYING at least…and patrick warbuton ALWAYS makes me  laff

Journey to the West

journey-to-the-west-2010-1Mike White: Stephen Chow… his movies can be terrific (Shaolin Soccer) or abysmal (CJ7). I hope this is more of an adult film than a kid’s movie. I’m not entirely convinced from the preview that it might not get into territory similar to Miike’s Great Yokai War. Fingers crossed that it doesn’t.  If that’s the case, I’ll see this in a heartbeat, granted that it comes to Detroit.

Josh Hadley: Abundance of needless CG and even some fat jokes… how original. I fear that CG sploogefests with no real story to speak of and merely a collection of set pieces have become the norm to the point that there is no hope for film at this point as a concept, film is nothing more than a medium now, a medium that is of failing to attain that which it once held so dear and instead choosing to wallow in ignorance and the futile dying gasps of a once proud storytelling art. The medium has become the message and that message is a FART followed by riotous laughter.

Martha Page: WTF did I just watch?  I don’t know who this Stephen Chow guy is, I never saw this Kung Fu Hustle movie.  This looks dumb and I HATE reading subtitles.  I’m not going to watch this but if I did it would only be because one of the characters looks exactly like my favorite character from League of Legends, WuKong.

wukong

 

Alex Jowski: YES YES YES YES!  Shut up and take my money!  This movie looks amazing.  I saw Shaolin Soccer and Kung Fu Hustle for the first time on the same day many years ago and have been eagerly awaiting a new film from Stephen Chow to match how fun those movies were.  Yes, I realize that he’s done other work since Kung Fu Hustle but none of it in that unique style.  Journey to the West IS that style.  This movie has everything I enjoy about both the filmmaker and the genre he represents.  I am seeing this movie – multiple times!

Charley McMullen:  Hell Shit YES!!  I’m a huge Stephen Chow fan, from God of Cookery to Kung Fu Hustle, because he takes over-the-top CGI effects and applies them to comedy, where they fucking belong!  This is the concept a movie like300 Rise of an Empire just doesn’t get.  CGI effects can either make straight-forward action movies look like a fucking video game, or they can make comedies badass!  Think about that for a minute.  CGI effects in a movie you weren’t meant to be taking seriously in the first place actually work really well for me.  I’m elated that Stephen Chow is still getting to make movies.  He’s awesome.  Sonny Chiba for the Buster Keaton set.

mister X: me after seeing this trailer:
marshi DIG me sum CHOW!

Next Week:
Need for Speed
Veronica Mars
Bad Words
Enemy

Leave your thoughts on this week’s movies in the comments below.

About The Author
Matthew Coats
Matthew Coats

Formerly known under the pseudonym of Alex Jowski.
Site owner, movie aficionado, and film school grad. Matthew Coats presents reviews, some written, some as vlogs, and some as weekly shows, for a variety of different movies and television shows. After years of struggling to get his own projects off the ground amidst the normal routine of living, Matthew Coats decided to create a site in order to share and promote movie reviews, video games and much much more from talented and original people all across the internet.

14 Comments
  • Leviathan
    February 28, 2014 at 8:21 pm

    Martha lost all my respect when she said “I hate reading subtitles” it’s such a douche bag thing to say.

  • Martha Page
    Martha Page
    February 28, 2014 at 8:45 pm

    Would you rather I lie and say I love subtitles? For me I would rather a horrible dub then have to read subtitles. I lose track of the dialog because I watch the action part of the movie not the bottom of the movie.

  • demonknight
    February 28, 2014 at 9:40 pm

    She lost much of mine when she referred to William Dafoe as gay. The man is great.

  • Alexa
    March 17, 2014 at 12:50 am

    I will say that there is more soul in an Anderson movie than a Snyder film. But that’s just me *shrugs*

  • ArmymanZ
    March 26, 2014 at 7:56 pm

    Martha you do know that Wukong from League of Legends is based on the Journey to the West character Son Wukong right? A story that’s centuries old!

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