Escape From Cellblock Three / Women Unchained
Genre: Crime, Exploitation
Director: Ken Osborne
Stars: Nobody worth mentioning
This is another of those movies that has gone by countless different titles in an attempt to sell a few copies. The VHS copy I watched was called Escape From Cellblock Three which is an apt enough description of the first 10 minutes of the movie. It’s more commonly known as Women Unchained which is a horrible title because that would imply that these women were chained at some point of the film which we never see. It’s also known as 5 Angry Women which is probably the most fitting title of all because there are indeed five women in this movie and they spend a good deal of them time being angry. I really only list these alternate titles as a warning, because nobody should be forced to watch this shitty movie under any title.
The film starts with the WORST song that you wouldn’t even hear in an elevator in hell called “We Are the Dreamers.” This drab song that basically says “People have dreams” over and over plays over pictures of Strip Clubs in Los Angeles. Then we are suddenly thrust into a fight in a women’s prison. Why? We’re never told because it doesn’t matter. I swear that it’s shot by a ghost with ADD and a stedicam as the camera is all over the place, shooting walls, women’s feet, a bench, some water, some chick’s face, and rarely ever shows us the pointless fight. It’s like this scene was tossed in to intentionally trick people into thinking that this was a movie about women in prison by throwing us gratuitous jailbird nudity right off the bat. Unfortunately, this is all the women in prison action this film has to offer and its fucking pathetic.
5 angry women escape from cellblock three with relative ease. They kill a guard, but other than that it’s a pretty simple escape. Then we get a road movie as these girls wander through woods, drive around and ultimately all die. Yeah – spoiler right off the bat – the black girl is the only one that lives. Sorry to throw that out so quickly but – it’s not like you were really going to watch this movie, were you? I mean, even if you like bad movies you would hate this movie.
Let me explain a bit more to prevent even the most curious from attempting to torture themselves with this film. The 5 Angry Women wander through the forest for twenty minutes and just call each other lesbians the whole time. They steal a car but ended up being chased by the cops. Now, here is what this movie wants us to believe is a car chase. There’s a shot of a car driving down the road. Then we see the same shot, just with a a different car. Add to this random sound effects of tires screeching. This does not make a car chase. This is just random shots of cars with a soundtrack that makes it seem like someone sucks at playing Gran Turismo. Eventually the women end up at some farm where they see a guy beating the hell out of his wife. She drives off in the car while the 5 Angry Women decide that this seems like a nice enough guy and invade his home. There’s no sarcasm in that, they see him beat his wife and say, with utter sincerity: “He seems like a real nice guy.”
The “nice guy” is named Pepe. Well, imdb lists his name as Pepe, the character is Mexican and referred to as such so Pepe is a sensible name for the fellow. However these girls always call him Peppy. I don’t know if its mispronunciation, sarcasm or the character is really named Peppy. My point here is that if you’re going to name the character Pepe – then you should KNOW how to pronounce it and make sure your actors do as as well. Who the hell names a character something they can’t pronounce? The idiots who made this movie – that’s who. Also, the black girl rapes Pepe. yes, the ONE girl that lives is the rapist! It’s one of the meanest rape scenes ever. We don’t see the actual sex (and who would – these are not attractive people) but the lead-in, where this girl just bashes Mexicans and such. Ugh. Who is entertained by that?
The girls get this pimp to help them out by giving them some money and a contact who can fly them to Mexico. This pimp is seriously the WORST actor to ever grace the screen in the history of exploitation cinema. Do you remember elementary school and the teacher would have kids read paragraphs from the textbook out loud? There was always that kid that would read so goddamn slow and stumble over every word? Now just imagine that kid dressed as a pimp and you have this guy. He “bosses” his ladies around with the same awkward “What are these strange words” kind of stutter as the kid who had trouble reading. “I need a th-th-ousand dollars l-l-adies. Go.” It is embarrassing to watch.
And then all the women die, except for the previously mentioned black woman. I’m just gonna leave it at that. I’m finished with this fucking miserable movie.