Open Water 2
Genre: Survival Horror
Director: Hans Horn
Stars: Susan May Pratt, Richard Speight Jr, Niklaus Lange
Techincally not a shark movie since there are NO sharks at all in Open Water 2. There’s a moment where a character thinks they saw a shark but they were mistaken – that’s all the shark you get here. The reason I’m including it with Shark Month, however, is because it is the sequel to a popular film about sharks. Now, Open Water is bad enough – but Open Water 2– my God is it one of the most boring and insipid things I’ve ever seen.
A bunch of friends go out on a yacht to celebrate a birthday with one of the couples bringing their baby to the party. THat’s not a good idea to begin with – taking the baby on the booze cruise. Initially, there are TOO many moments of “Oh no – the baby saw people fornicating. We’re so naughty.” Then the movie starts in earnest as the baby goes to sleep and everyone decides to go swimming. Of course they forgot to put the ladder down – so now everyone is trapped in the water with NO way to get onto the boat. Oh, and the baby is still on board – crying for her mother. These people are such stupid and rage inducing douchebags I couldn’t wait for them all to die off. I wanted sharks but – nope – had to put up with them as they fell to fatigue and hypothermia one-by-one. Eventually the mother does make it back onto the yacht to take care of the baby and force some sort of happy ending.
You know what this movie is? It’s a bad game of The Sims. Remember in that game if you had Sims in the pool and you removed the ladder they would just swim around forever, stupidly not seeing how to get out of the pool, and drown. So… here’s the short version of Open Water 2