The Big Bust Out
Genre: Crime, Exploitation
Director: Ernst T. von Theumer
Stars: A bunch of ugly nobodies.
Seven beautiful women in a high security prison set the stage for a big bust out.
The Big Bust Out or, as it’s known by in Italy Io, Monaca per Tre Carogne e Sette Peccatrici which Google translate tells me means “I, the Nun, Three Bodies and Seven Basatrds.” But it is Google Translate so the title might actually translate to “Happy Butterfly Farts” for all I know. Really though, it doesn’t matter what this movie is called because nobody should ever watch it. This movie is FUCKING TERRIBLE! Sure the quality is awful, it looks like it was shoot on film that had been run through a dying man’s intestine. The dubbing is clearly not done by native English speakers as all the characters end up looking retarded as they struggle with the simplest grammar.To say this is the worst Women in Prison film I’ve seen is the truth, but as I’m only on day five I’m wondering what’s left to come.
The film starts in a lousy Catholic-run prison where the female prisoners are treated.. well.. normally I suppose. They’re not raped by anybody, they’re not tortured. They flirt with the guards but we never get a chance to get themselves some action. As if I wanted to see any of these hideous-looking woman having sex anyway. Their “Big Bust Out” is over and done with barely 15 minutes into the film. One of the nuns, sister Marie, tags along to make sure the girls stay safe. So, the majority of the movie is, basically, The Nun, The Girls, and The Rapists. They all end up at a friend’s house and go skinny dipping in the pool while the Nun sits by and watches, laughing at the girls’ nude antics. In fact, that happens quite a lot in this movie. Anytime this gang of women come across any kind of body of water, it’s skinny dipping time.
Anyway, their friends’ boyfriend turns traitor and sells the girls as sex slaves for some rich guy. They escape and most of the movie is the girls and the nun wandering through the mountains and trying to get away from the rapists. It’s all completely redundant and MY GOD is it boring. They make it about a mile and then get caught by rapists. The escape, make it about a mile and then get caught by rapists again. It’s like somebody saw I Spit on Grave and decided: “How can I make this as goddamn boring and stupid as possible?”
The girls end up in a castle which happens to be the domain of 60 rapists. The girls are dressed up and are going to be part of a show. There’s a line one of the girls has to describe this: “There’s 5 of us and 60 of them – it’s going to be a ling night.” The nun is included in all of this but she has no idea what’s going on. As the girls are being dressed up in their sexy rape outfits (“rape outfits” makes sense in the context of the movie, trust me), Sister Marie says things like; “Oh what pretty clothes!” and “These gentlemen seem so nice.” While in the next room you have 60 men cheering and saying: “Oh man, I’m gonna fuck a nun!”
The women escape, yet again, from the clutches of the rapists. This time with guns ablazing. The nun finally gets in on the action and we get the one moment in this whole mistranslated mess of a movie – a nun with a gun! Of course if the best thing in this movie is a grainy shot that’s less than 30 seconds that isn’t giving the movie a compliment. In fact, Nun With Gun isn’t even that entertaining, but it’s still better than anything else in this movie.
The Big Bust Out or A Bunch of Italian People Poorly Dubbed is a movie nobody should have to watch. If you ever come across a list of Women in Prison movies and somebody has put this among the “Best,” Troll that fucker. Troll him HARD.
Also, I had to go through this movie and get screen caps. I ended up with a lot more than I needed but, here’s the rest so you can really experience to look of shit that is The Big Bust Out.