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Movies for the Week of April 18th, 2014

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transendMike White: How funny was it that they showed the Transcendence trailer in front of Captain America 2 only to have the film “scooped” by having a computerized Hydra agent?  I dunno. I laughed.

I don’t think I’ll laugh a whole lot in Transcendence.  I think there will be a lot of attmpted “Oh shit” moments.  I also have a feeling that this is the story of an evil computer that is using Johnny Depp in cornrows as an avatar. How a computer can make plants grow and people float…?  That’s pretty koo-koo-kooky.  Despite this being guaranteed to be disappointing, though, I still want to see it.  Then I’ll go home and watch Colossus: The Forbin Project.

Josh Hadley: So they are just skipping remaking Lawnmower Man (most likely to avoid paying Stephen King again) and simply remaking Lawnmower Man 2: Jobes War with Johnny Depp as Jobe? Got it. Seriously, this is either a Lawnmower Man 2 remake or a straight up rip-off, even the trailers are cut similarly… to think someone got paid money to make this…

Glenn Criddle:  Lawnmower Man 2014!…. Well maybe only a little bit. This looks like it may be a bit of fun. I suspect the story is trying to do more than it’ll deliver though but for a couple of hours of entertainment I reckon this will suffice. It’s got a pretty good cast, a premise with some promise and looks rather pretty so why not, I’ll give it a go but I’ll keep my expectations in check.

Alex Jowski: I’m willing to give it a shot if only because it’s directed by Christopher Nolan’s usual D.P.  The story doesn’t seem particularly motivating or even that original – but I’m sure it will at least look nice.  I’m not going to go out of my way to watch it, just if it happens to be on television someday and I’m bored.

Martha Page: It’s a typical “AI goes bad” movie.  I don’t care.  Oh, but it’s got the little kid from Witness all grown up so that might be something.

Jillian Zurawski: I’m hearing bad things, but it doesn’t necessarily look horrible from the trailer. But who knows. Hopefully it’s not bad, because it’s like 2 hours long & I’m supposed to go see it for the Midnight Sceenings. SO here is my review, in equation form, of what I’m feelin’ from the trailer here… OH, and ATTENTION MINIONS! If you can tell me in the comments below where EACH of these shots are from, you get +20,000 MINION POINTS! (no cheating!):

GJ movie equation

Charles Campbell: Ok, I’m a real sucker for sci-fi and this looks really good to me. I am a fan of several of the actors in this and it looks to be an intriguing story to say the least. If anything it will be at least entertaining to me.

Justin Widerski: This film intrigues me quite a bit. The concept of a human mind being inserted into a computer, while explored many times before, seems to be done in a unique way in this film. The line “I can’t feel anything” stuck out to me as a horrifyingly accurate portrayal of what it would be like to have all external stimuli removed. While I think this movie has a strong premise and cast, the not-so-subtle hints towards matter manipulation in the trailer suggest that it’s going to fall apart in the third act. It’s interesting that this film is coming out so soon after a movie like Her. It seems that we’re experiencing a new wave of questioning the implications and future of the technology we carry around with us every day in our pockets. With our increased connection to technology it seems that not just the technological singularity (mentioned in the trailer) where AI transcend humans, but also the human singularity, where we transcend our own biology and become one with technology, is fast approaching. But that is a topic for another day. In the meantime, I call Transcendence a definite rental.

mister X: all the time this trailer played, all i could keep thinking was:
why isn’t cronenberg directing this?

looks like it could be decent, but something about it feels…off to me

About The Author
Matthew Coats
Matthew Coats
Formerly known under the pseudonym of Alex Jowski. Site owner, movie aficionado, and film school grad. Matthew Coats presents reviews, some written, some as vlogs, and some as weekly shows, for a variety of different movies and television shows. After years of struggling to get his own projects off the ground amidst the normal routine of living, Matthew Coats decided to create a site in order to share and promote movie reviews, video games and much much more from talented and original people all across the internet.
  • Avatar
    April 18, 2014 at 3:14 pm

    I can’t tell if Josh redacted himself for the sake of saving Jowski the trouble or if it was just so disturbing Jowski couldn’t let it go

  • Avatar
    April 18, 2014 at 4:12 pm

    Fine jillian here cowboy bebop .hack futurama

    • Mistress J
      Mistress J
      April 18, 2014 at 4:48 pm

      ok then! Now… well even though you didn’t specify WHICH .hack// -i’ll still give you full credit on that, so your total is +12,000 minion points! I’ll waive your initial infraction we discussed earlier elsewhere… BUT for not referring to your Mistress formally & properly, i must deduct -10,000 MINION points… bringing your grand total to an award of +2000 minion points. ;) #SoSayethTheMistress

  • Charley McMullen
    Charley McMullen
    April 18, 2014 at 5:50 pm

    I say whoever misses the Trailer Park deadline has to post it here in the comments. That’s a thing now. Anyway…


    I don’t know about this one. The anti-technology terrorist group is a nice twist and, I could be wrong, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen this kind of story tackled this particular way before. I like Johnny Depp, and this one seems a lot like The Astronaut’s Wife, which plenty of people hated, but not me. If anything, I’ll see this just to understand what the fuck it’s about.

    Also, where are the other trailers?

    • Hipster Jillian Says:
      Hipster Jillian Says:
      April 18, 2014 at 7:05 pm

      “I was posting my missed reviews in the comments befoooore Charley said it was cool!” ;)

  • Charley McMullen
    Charley McMullen
    April 18, 2014 at 6:01 pm

    Here it is. Kinda wish I hadn’t found it now. Anyway…


    It has not been long enough since the first A Haunted House for an unwanted and unnecessary sequel, so my opinion of lowest common denominator bullshit movies going after the easiest laughs with as little effort as possible hasn’t really changed in the past few months. The additions of Daniel Tosh and Gabriel Iglesias don’t help, as they are right up there with Jeff Dunham and Larry the Cable Guy in terms of hack, pandering comedians who owe their success to the ever-increasing segment of the population who appreciate stupid jokes because they can be easily understood by stupid people. Not understanding a Kardashian reference should be worn like a badge of honor.

  • Charley McMullen
    Charley McMullen
    April 18, 2014 at 6:08 pm

    BEARS —

    It’s a documentary, which is hard to fuck up, but it’s a DISNEY documentary, so the animals are humanized to the point of being obnoxious because Disney thinks that’s the only way the audience will give a shit. And, considering all the mouth-breathers out there who are going to see A Haunted House 2, they’re probably right.

    I don’t know how much money went to the marketing guy who titled the movie, but it was too much.

  • Charley McMullen
    Charley McMullen
    April 18, 2014 at 6:20 pm


    I stopped taking this seriously when it was said that it’s based on a true story. It’s based on a kid who told a story that may be true, or may be bullshit. The truth of stories is based on proof, and this movie doesn’t have any. I envy all the Christians out there who are able to take comfort in this and illicit some kind of ease regarding humanity’s place in the universe. I’m not really a believer in any of this, though. It’s going to take more than a Greg Kinnear movie to make me stop supporting the separation of Church and Cinema.

  • Avatar
    April 18, 2014 at 8:43 pm

    its tough to say we all hope for an angry jake type or a “fuck you” dave so im guessing for HH2 that you will eather be drop jawed at how bad it is or completely numb from the pain of bad cinema as with transcendence i think it will just be ok not good not bad just middle of the road

  • Bud
    April 18, 2014 at 9:26 pm

    I can’t get two of the pictures, but those are probably the tougher ones. I see Futurama, .hack(not sure the name of it, but it does have the character from the first game) and Cowboy Bebop, episode Brain Scratch.

    And as far as your reaction for HH2…I’ll say negative.

  • Avatar
    April 19, 2014 at 12:50 pm

    just so y’all know…if i had been drinkin’ when i saw Alex’s piece on HEAVEN, dat muthafukka woulda owed me a new laptop

  • Mistress J
    Mistress J
    April 19, 2014 at 2:49 pm

    HA! I just noticed: The cropped movie pic of “Heaven Is For Real” used for the title card looks like the shot from Close Encounters of the Third Kind —

  • Avatar
    April 20, 2014 at 10:22 am

    i know all of the images in Mistress J’s infographic…but i’m not telling

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    Cody Rivera
    April 21, 2014 at 8:37 pm

    I really want to punch Marlon wayans in the face just from this trailer, and is there a way to just strip the entertainer part out of Cedric’s name?

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