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Movies for the Week of April 18th, 2014

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Heaven is For Real


heavenMike White: For real? That’s the title?  For real?   This remake of Flatliners has a little boy gaining psychic powers after a near-death experience and then saying a lot of messed up shit when he recovers. I’m half-tempted to watch this one because it brings up some weird stuff like “Everyone is young in heaven.” How young?  Is there a particular age? What if a person died before that age, are they progressed to it?  If a person loses a limb, does it grow back in heaven?  If you hate your relatives, do you have to see them?  Will anyone admit that this is a fairy story?  Probably not.


Glenn Criddle: “I see dead people!” … As these things go this is at least not as offensively insulting as that noxious piece of crap ‘God’s Not Dead’. That was a pretty vitriolic film. This? Well it’s not for me, I don’t get why people feel the need to follow religion but that’s my own view. Heaven is for real seems to have a good nature about it and of course it’s coming from a religious perspective but hey, if that’s your thing then go for it. Because it’s an overtly religious film I’m simply not going to suspend my disbelief (Ironic I know) in the basic premise of the film enough to be able to enjoy it or at least be involved in it as I’ll constantly be picking at the films logic. I’d be way too distracted. I certainly pass on this but if you’re more open to such stories then why the hell not?


Alex Jowski: Yes… Heaven is a real place.  And I know exactly where it is…


Martha Page:


Jillian Zurawki: It’s for real yo! I swears! -I guess “Heaven Is Real” sounded too churchy? And we all probably know by now, when “based on/inspired by a true story/actual events” is slapped on a movie, there’s most likely very LITTLE of what ACTUALLY happened in it. That being said, it doesn’t look like a bad movie, just not really my thing. Hopefully certain people don’t plan to use the “based on true story” label to try and shove “SEE?! IT’S REAL! THIS KID SAW IT! YOU’RE ALL GOING TO HELL!” down people’s throats.

waterworld dry land

SIDE NOTE: Ya know, Buffy got pulled outta Heaven too. It fucked her up for a good part of season 6. This kid seems well adjusted to it though. But then, he didn’t have to claw his way outta his own grave to get back….

Charles Campbell: Yea, I’m not going to even touch on the subject of religion and me, but let me just say that this film is WAY out of my ball park. The closest thing you’ll ever catch me watch involving angels or heaven is “The Prophecy”.  This just honestly looks like a wishy washy inspirational sports movie without the sports. I like Greg Kinnear, but even he won’t save this one for me.

Justin Widerski: As a critic let me say this movie looks super cheesy and frankly something I’m not interested in, but I also feel obligated to bring up a different angle. I’ve been a casual paranormal enthusiast/researcher for years now so I know a little bit about Near Death Experiences and about this case in particular. This is a true story in that this kid had an NDE, but it should be noted that his father is a Protestant Pastor and a Bible literalist. The only way for this kid to interpret such an experience is through the Christian context he was raised in. Regardless of whether or not it’s true that this kid “sat on Jesus’ lap” his story has changed over time because his father kept asking him questions and the kid added details in response. By the time the father stopped asking questions and the kid stopped adding details it had been seven years and the ghost writer known for Sarah Palin’s autobiography was writing down everything he said, including tales of Christian Exclusivity and Holy Warfare. While I’m somewhat happy this will be raising awareness and interest in NDEs, at the same time I’m bothered because this movie will be putting it in people’s heads that NDEs are a Christian thing and they’re not. People all over the world and of varying belief systems experience NDEs, including atheists. Whether you believe in the spiritual implications of such phenomena, NDEs do occur and definitely warrant serious scientific investigation. For more information on the flimsy story behind Heaven is for Real here’s my source.

mister X: this ain’t for me
it probably ain’t for u either, if u hangin’ around geek juice
probably best to just leave it at that…tho i will say i snickered at the ‘teach u how to punch’ line

What do you think of this week’s trailers?
Let us know by leaving a comment below!

Next Week:

  • The Other Woman
  • The Quite Ones
  • Brick Mansion
  • For No Good Reason
About The Author
Matthew Coats
Matthew Coats
Formerly known under the pseudonym of Alex Jowski. Site owner, movie aficionado, and film school grad. Matthew Coats presents reviews, some written, some as vlogs, and some as weekly shows, for a variety of different movies and television shows. After years of struggling to get his own projects off the ground amidst the normal routine of living, Matthew Coats decided to create a site in order to share and promote movie reviews, video games and much much more from talented and original people all across the internet.
  • jwiderski
    April 18, 2014 at 3:14 pm

    I can’t tell if Josh redacted himself for the sake of saving Jowski the trouble or if it was just so disturbing Jowski couldn’t let it go

  • Adam
    April 18, 2014 at 4:12 pm

    Fine jillian here cowboy bebop .hack futurama

    • Mistress J
      Mistress J
      April 18, 2014 at 4:48 pm

      ok then! Now… well even though you didn’t specify WHICH .hack// -i’ll still give you full credit on that, so your total is +12,000 minion points! I’ll waive your initial infraction we discussed earlier elsewhere… BUT for not referring to your Mistress formally & properly, i must deduct -10,000 MINION points… bringing your grand total to an award of +2000 minion points. ;) #SoSayethTheMistress

  • Charley McMullen
    Charley McMullen
    April 18, 2014 at 5:50 pm

    I say whoever misses the Trailer Park deadline has to post it here in the comments. That’s a thing now. Anyway…


    I don’t know about this one. The anti-technology terrorist group is a nice twist and, I could be wrong, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen this kind of story tackled this particular way before. I like Johnny Depp, and this one seems a lot like The Astronaut’s Wife, which plenty of people hated, but not me. If anything, I’ll see this just to understand what the fuck it’s about.

    Also, where are the other trailers?

    • Hipster Jillian Says:
      Hipster Jillian Says:
      April 18, 2014 at 7:05 pm

      “I was posting my missed reviews in the comments befoooore Charley said it was cool!” ;)

  • Charley McMullen
    Charley McMullen
    April 18, 2014 at 6:01 pm

    Here it is. Kinda wish I hadn’t found it now. Anyway…


    It has not been long enough since the first A Haunted House for an unwanted and unnecessary sequel, so my opinion of lowest common denominator bullshit movies going after the easiest laughs with as little effort as possible hasn’t really changed in the past few months. The additions of Daniel Tosh and Gabriel Iglesias don’t help, as they are right up there with Jeff Dunham and Larry the Cable Guy in terms of hack, pandering comedians who owe their success to the ever-increasing segment of the population who appreciate stupid jokes because they can be easily understood by stupid people. Not understanding a Kardashian reference should be worn like a badge of honor.

  • Charley McMullen
    Charley McMullen
    April 18, 2014 at 6:08 pm

    BEARS —

    It’s a documentary, which is hard to fuck up, but it’s a DISNEY documentary, so the animals are humanized to the point of being obnoxious because Disney thinks that’s the only way the audience will give a shit. And, considering all the mouth-breathers out there who are going to see A Haunted House 2, they’re probably right.

    I don’t know how much money went to the marketing guy who titled the movie, but it was too much.

  • Charley McMullen
    Charley McMullen
    April 18, 2014 at 6:20 pm


    I stopped taking this seriously when it was said that it’s based on a true story. It’s based on a kid who told a story that may be true, or may be bullshit. The truth of stories is based on proof, and this movie doesn’t have any. I envy all the Christians out there who are able to take comfort in this and illicit some kind of ease regarding humanity’s place in the universe. I’m not really a believer in any of this, though. It’s going to take more than a Greg Kinnear movie to make me stop supporting the separation of Church and Cinema.

  • Adam
    April 18, 2014 at 8:43 pm

    its tough to say we all hope for an angry jake type or a “fuck you” dave so im guessing for HH2 that you will eather be drop jawed at how bad it is or completely numb from the pain of bad cinema as with transcendence i think it will just be ok not good not bad just middle of the road

  • Bud
    April 18, 2014 at 9:26 pm

    I can’t get two of the pictures, but those are probably the tougher ones. I see Futurama, .hack(not sure the name of it, but it does have the character from the first game) and Cowboy Bebop, episode Brain Scratch.

    And as far as your reaction for HH2…I’ll say negative.

  • April 19, 2014 at 12:50 pm

    just so y’all know…if i had been drinkin’ when i saw Alex’s piece on HEAVEN, dat muthafukka woulda owed me a new laptop

  • Mistress J
    Mistress J
    April 19, 2014 at 2:49 pm

    HA! I just noticed: The cropped movie pic of “Heaven Is For Real” used for the title card looks like the shot from Close Encounters of the Third Kind —

  • April 20, 2014 at 10:22 am

    i know all of the images in Mistress J’s infographic…but i’m not telling

  • Cody Rivera
    April 21, 2014 at 8:37 pm

    I really want to punch Marlon wayans in the face just from this trailer, and is there a way to just strip the entertainer part out of Cedric’s name?

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